Let's face it: the things people love most about the draft are:
- being right or wrong about who turns out well and
- who players will play like for easy to chew analysis
Though we'll have to wait for time to reveal the former, I'd like to take care of the latter now. I'm going to break down each of the top prospects and what their best and worse case scenarios are at the NBA level. Let's begin:
Best case: Noel's young so he has plenty of time to develop offensively. He already has the finishing ability and the defensive skill but with great work ethic, there's a chance he develops terrific footwork and if he gets a jump shot, he could be a one-of-a-kind superstar. Similar to a 7 foot tall Michael Jordan.
Worst Case: He retires before the season to devote his life to selling used Toyota Tercels.
Best case: McLemore has the jump shot and athleticism. All that's left is relentless devotion to defense and a killer instinct. Similar to Michael Jordan.
Worst case: Sees Fast and Furious 6 and it's so good that he refuses to ever leave the theater.
Best case: Surgery on his ankle goes horribly awry and he has to get a robotic ankle, which makes him incredibly good in the post as a scorer and rebounder and adds such great quickness that he becomes a threat off the dribble. Similar to a taller Michael Jordan.
Worst case: While surfing for X-Files torrents, he finds a file called "Secret X-Files episode DO NOT WATCH." Curiosity gets the best of him and he watches it. Suddenly he gets sucked into his computer and turned into a computer virus.
Best case: Accidentally locked in a gym by a hard-of-hearing janitor for the summer, Porter becomes a talented ballhandler and explosive athlete with the skills to create his own offense. Similar to Michael Jordan but with hair.
Worst case: One day before a game, he walks by the arena entrance and is persuaded by the crazy guy with the big sign to quit basketball or he's going to Hell.
Best case: Grows a mustache, becomes a killer scoring threat off the dribble and in the post. Similar to: Michael Jordan.
Worst case: Grows a soul patch, announces he's a huge Guy Fieri fan.
Best case: Hits head on a doorway, suddenly discovers how to become a dominant defender as a result and develops the incredible quickness of a guard and a better post game. Similar to: Canadian Michael Jordan.
Worst case: Pickets Fox Studios until the Simpsons make another good episode, ultimately dies of old age.
Best case: Grows five more inches, becomes a force with his back to the basket as much as he is off the dribble and becomes a suffocating defender. Similar to: Michael Jordan with fewer punches thrown at Will Perdue (probably).
Worst case: Terrified of cats, Burke gives up the Internet completely. Reddit finds out and random internet people start showing up at his games to heckle him. Forced to be an outcast, Burke leaves the country to escape the Internet shame from Reddit and moves to rural Australia.
Best case: Wakes up one day in the body of a 20-year-old Michael Jordan. Similar to: 20-year-old Michael Jordan.
Worst case: Illegally downloads a Macklemore album and is sentenced to two years of listening to Macklemore.
Best case: Retroactively changes alma mater to UNC-Chapel Hill, develops terrific offensive skills in the post and otherworldly athleticism. Similar to: Michael Jordan but good at Twitter.
Worst case: Becomes sponsored by Coogi, only wears Coogi sweaters everywhere, eventually convinces his team to have Coogi redesign their uniforms.
Best case: Becomes a much better passer and better scorer from off the dribble and better with either hand. Similar to: Michael Jordan but possibly older than Michael Jordan right now.
Worst case: Watches a Full House episode. And as if that's not bad enough, the moral of the episode is "Winning isn't everything."