Dac:

Man, this season? You have to abandon that.
At least you flipped that whale big baby for Brandon Bass

Some of you Celtics fans straight up slay me
Can you stop pretending Jeff Green is a trade piece?

You guys have been good since Paul Pierce's ankles were broken
but even if David Stern was fixing games for you, KG would choke him

A first round exit is likely for y'all, sadly
hopes are lower than the field goal percentage of Avery Bradley

If you get healthy, yeah I guess your team is scary
but you can't rely on late game heroics by Jason Terry

Ben:

This season's been a rough one for the fans in Boston
But oh how much fun it could have been with Doc and Austin

In a nice spot now, but you're doomed like Othello
Thank goodness you drafted the most Fabulous Melo

You refuse to break up the stars but quit stallin'
Nothing good ever came of a team with Jason Collins

It's great you're giving so much time to Leandro Barbosa
What, you signed Darko but passed on Jorge Garbajosa?

The Celtics have a death wish and we're Charles Bronson
Boston's going down like Paul Pierce defending Joe Johnson