Allen Iverson is Creamy Peanut Butter


After much internal debate, I've figured out how to comprehend Allen Iverson's possible signing with the Charlotte Bobcats. Note that Memphis is the only team confirmed to have made him an offer, which, I think, is a good thing for their fans, even though AI would be more likely to start in Charlotte.

Here's what I've decided: Allen Iverson is creamy peanut butter.

Now, I know a lot of you prefer creamy to crunchy, even though objective analysis proves beyond doubt that crunchy is simply better than creamy. And a lot of you probably also prefer the aesthetics of creamy peanut butter sliding over bread or graham crackers without any hard peanut matter getting in the way. HOW-EVA! There's also an aesthetic beauty to peanut butter that contains, you know, peanuts, and lets you actually crush peanuts with your teeth. I admit that I strongly prefer crunchy peanut butter, as a general rule.

But I'm not going to turn down peanut butter on toast just 'cause it's creamy. It still tastes mostly like peanut butter. And it's a million times better than a tortoise turd on toast. We can't afford caviar. We have toast, so we're not putting mustard on it. We need peanut butter, and beggars can't be choosers when it comes to demanding crunchy peanut butter or no peanut butter. I'll have creamy, please.

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